The Smallification Wars--Where Will It End?
by Jerry Weichbrodt

In the beginning there was ARC, and then there were PKARC, LHARC,
DWC, PAK, ARJ, PKZIP, ....  We all found ourselves combing the boards
just trying to find the archiver to un-xxx (fill in your favorite
archive suffix above) that terrific new utility we just downloaded
from Joe Blow's BBS.  Of course most of these folks wanted money for
their latest-and-greatest (for this week anyway) archiver, so we
walked around with guilt-ridden souls if we hadn't invested the
customary $500 in archivers for all occasions.  After all, the
archiver of choice for a particular set of files really does depend
on the phase of the moon, the 10.7 cm solar flux, the barometric
pressure, and your horoscope, doesn't it?

Ok, I guess I had myself all reconciled to this state of affairs.
After all, everybody wants to make a buck, so the invention of the
1,850th iteration of the mouse trap is just the American way.  And
then ... there was PKZIP version 2.04C.  And then there was PKZIP
version 2.04E.  And then there was PKZIP version 2.04G.  And then
.... Well, I thought it would be fun to contemplate just where it
might all wind up.  Try this on for size, if you would:

                       PRESS RELEASE

                    PKZIP VERSION 2.04Z

           THE ULTIMATE IN COMPRESSION SOFTWARE

Features:
      -Multiple archives in one cluster:  Why waste an entire
            512, 1024, or up to 4096 bytes on one single file.
            PKZIP 2.04Z packs multiple zip-files into one cluster
            with PKWARE's new ZleepingBag (TM) technology, the
            best way ever to bag your zip-files.
      -New Something-to-Nothing File Fractionalization (SNUFF)
            compression algorithm reduces entire archive into one
            VERY informative byte*.
      -New -gbg (garble-but-good) option generates random passwords 
            for encrypted archives.  Nobody, but nobody, will be able
	    to break into your secure data.  Just try to unzip the
	    file yourself, and see how well it works!!
      -New PKSFD option for creating self-deleting archives.
            This takes the "This tape will self-destruct in five
            seconds" concept one step further, applying it to the
            space-age realm of computers.
      -New -dm (delete-before-move) option deletes files from
            disk and then moves them to the archive.  This ensures  
            that archived files take up the smallest possible space
	    (zero bytes). 

With this host of new options, can you afford to be without
PKZIP version 2.04Z!  Order your copy today and unclutter your
hard drive with PKWARE's new PKUHDR (PK Unconditional Hard Disk
Reformat) utility, included as a special bonus.

*Note:  The new SNUFF algorithm is available in PKZIP but is
not supported in PKUNZIP.  It is intended to be analogous with
the popular WOM (Write-Only-Memory) integrated circuit chip.

<end of release>

I'm going to order my copy today.  How about you?               {RAH}
--------------
Jerry Weichbrodt is an electrical engineer with General Motors in 
Milford, Michigan.  He's also a new father, so a sense of humor 
is particularly important to him.  His Internet address is:
jerry.weichbrodt@semsog.com