###     ###
                                 ###   ###
                      ###   ####  ### ###  ###   ####
                      ###    ###   #####   ###    ###
                      ###    ###    ###    ###    ###
                      ###    ###   #####   ###    ###
                      ##########  ### ###  ##########
                                 ###   ###
                                ###     ###

                         Underground eXperts United

                                 Presents...

         ####### ## ##      #######     # #    ####   ####### ##   ##
         ##      ## ##      ##         #####     ##   ##   ## ##   ##
         ####    ## ##      ####        # #      ##   ####### #######
         ##      ## ##      ##         #####     ##   ##   ##      ##
         ##      ## ####### #######     # #    ###### #######      ##

         [  The GNN's File #100   ]            [     By The GNN     ]


    ____________________________________________________________________
    ____________________________________________________________________


     THE GNN'S FILE #100: THIS IS WHAT YOU READ, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET
                      by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu



                            A live performance.

                 With some help from Phearless and Hedge.



  Yes.  This is what you read and this is what you get.  Nothing can change
that  even  if you try.  However, what will be written in the future can be
changed  if  you  open your mouth and let a few creative comments pass your
lips.   Creative  comments,  flowers,  chocolate  and greeting cards can be
mailed to me at GNN@krille.update.uu.se.

  Oh,  I  forgot  to say hello and welcome to my one hundredth file for the
Underground  eXperts  United series of text files!  This is my own personal
text file and I will not do anything else than speak about myself!  Hohoho,
yeah, I know that might be boring but...

  (Audience goes:  "BOOO!")

  ...I felt that I had to expose my great ego and intelligent...

  (Audience throws empty beer bottles against the stage, *crash* )

  ...   *crash*...mind...   <Ahem>.   Now  then, *crash* since I guess this
will be quite an exciting evening *crash* *crash* for all of us, especially
YOU since you now finally have the chance to speak to me in person!  I know
that  this  is what you have wanted for years now!  (or to be more precise:
two years and five months!)
  So!  Come on people!  Tell me how much you love me and...

  (Audience laughs out loud.  Someone screams "Fuck you mister!  HAHA!")

  ...how much you...  have...  uh...  appreciated my files!  Come on people
ask me about my life!

  Audience:  "How on earth have you been able to produce so
             much SHIT during your years with uXu?"

  Right.   Shit.   Well,  I felt that the world needed my help and the best
way  to  give  them that was to write GREAT files about our society and how
the world works!  And...

  Audience:  "Thanks, we have heard enough...  How come
             you never stop?  That would make the world
             a better place to live in!"

  Better place?  BETTER PLACE?  NOW LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE BRAINDEAD HUMAN
BEING I AM THE ONE AND ONLY TEXT FILE WRITER ON THIS...

  (Audience laughs and brings up their shot guns)

  ...AND  I  WILL...   hey...  HEY!  Wait!  Do not shoot!  I will not write
anything more!  Trust me!  I was only kidding!  Hey!  Heey!  HEEEEEEY!

  *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

  (Audience shouts:  "Was it good for you too GNN?!  HAW HAW HAW!")

  Gasp, gasp...  uh...  just *cough* great, thank you!  *cough*...

  (Audience leaves, leaving GNN dying on the stage)

  It  is  hard to be a writer nowadays...  first rejected by all publishers
on  planet Earth, then shot.  Thank God I gave The Chief plenty of money so
he  would  release  my  AMAZING  files!   *cough*.   People  do not seem to
appreciate  REAL  ART  nowadays!   Bah!   Lame!  Stupid!  They just want to
work, get a good-looking partner to fuck, work, go home and watch TV before
they die of cancer a few years later!
  Truly amazing...  what the...  HEY!  HEY!  OVER HERE!  HELP!

  (Three people enters the hall, looking around for GNN)

  COME  HERE!   I  am here!  Ah, finally some fans!  I knew they would show
up!  The other people must have been terrorists who works for the corrupted
state!  I knew they wanted to kill me!  OVER HERE!  *cough* *gasp*...

  "Hello there GNN!  How is everything?"

  Fine thank you..  just fine!  A few holes in my body, but I will survive!
No  problem!   Just  take me to a hospital and I will soon be able to write
again!

  (The three people steps out from the shadows)

  Oh,  it  is  you...   The Chief, Phearless and Ralph.  What are you doing
here?   Are you not supposed to...  uh...  organize some surprise-party for
me to celebrate my ONE HUNDREDTH FILE?  *ouch* *cough*

  "Well, you see...  we changed our minds!  We decided to get here and help
you away from this place instead!"

  You have always been such good friends...

  (The  Chief draws a Magnum .44 from his shoulder holster and places it in
The GNN'S mouth.)

  "You  see...   we  feel  that it is time for you to stop writing ALL THAT
SHIT THAT YOU KEEP GIVING US!"

  (Ralph and Phearless looks at each other, nodding)

  ...glomp schko kroks uh?

  (The Chief pulls the trigger)

  *BANG*

  (and again)

  *BANG*

  (and again and again and again and again)

  *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*


                         -- MEANWHILE IN HEAVEN --

      Angel: "Ya know what?"
        God: "Nope..."
      Angel: "They just shot The GNN!"
        God: "FINALLY! I have *waited* for that to happen after I
              had read his fucking "Divine Problems" file!
              Give me the names of the killers and I will reserve
              them a place here!
      Angel: "Consider it done, man!"


                          -- MEANWHILE IN HELL --

        Devil: "We have a problem..."
        Satan: "We have?"
        Devil: "The GNN is dead and will arrive in a couple of hours."
        Satan: "OH NO! DAMN!"
        Devil: "Right..."


                            <A few hours later>

  ...but  I  *KNOW*  that  this  story  will  fit perfectly in the "Lucifer
Science-Fiction  Magazine!" I know that!  Just publish it and I swear on my
mothers grave that the amount of subscribers will increase bigtime!

  "Didn't you read my letter?!"


      --------------------------------------------------------------
           From: Editor Lenny Lucifer
             To: The GNN
        Subject: PRINT THIS!


        No! No! NO! NO WAY! CRAP!

        Yours truly, Lucifer.


        LUCIFER SCIENCE-FICTION MAGAZINE - HOT STORIES FOR SINNERS
                 Mail submissions to Lucifer@hell.SF.com 
      --------------------------------------------------------------


  Yes, I did but you never said that you disliked it!

  "Now listen to me, Gnu..."

  It is GNN!  *THE* GNN!  THE ONE AND ONLY *THE GNN*!

  "Yeah...   of  course.   We do like this instead:  I will BURN your story
and then you will go to the daily torture together with Satan and his great
friends?  OK?"

  No way!  This is a magnificent piece of art and...

  "OK?!"

  Alright then...  but you do not know what you are missing!

  "Fuck you...."

  Some  other  day  maybe, some devil just pushed a big log up my ass and I
feel a bit sore yet so...

  "JUST BE QUIET AND LEAVE MY OFFICE!"

  (GNN receives a kick in his (sore) ass and flies out through the door)

  *CRASH*...  Jeppers!  This is incredible!  How could he refuse to print a
story  that  revealed  ALL  the  facts  about how right atheism is!  Hmm...
maybe a little out of date perhaps...?

  "HELLOOO GnN...  aRe yOU ReADy for THE DAILY SUFFERING?  HEH HEH HEH?"

  Oh,  hello Satan..  well, I am ready BUT JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THIS STORY I
WROTE!  It is great!  Read it!

  (Satan falls down on his knees, crying)

  "I  CANNOT  STAND  THIS ANY MORE!  I CANNOT STAND *YOU* OR YOUR SO-CALLED
STORIES!"

  But it is great!  I swear!

  "GET LOST!  BYE!  ADIOS!  CIAO!  YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE ANY MORE!  (get
this motherfucker *out* of here NOW!)"

  Yaaaaaaaaaargggggggggggggghhhh!

  *CRASH*

  Aha...    back  to  Earth  again!   How  nice!   Better  call  THE  STASH
immediately and send them my latest uXu productions!




  CONNECT 9600

* Welcome to THE STASH. (No, THE GNN we do *not* want you to login!)


               Telegard Bulletin Board System - Version 2.7
       Copyright 1988-1991 by Martin Pollard.  All rights reserved.



                           WELCOME TO THE STASH

                        Underground eXperts United
                               European Home
                                  Sweden
                             +46-(0)13-175042



                sysop: THE 'I even SHIT text files!' CHIEF!


                          *  Message of the day *

           We  are  here  to talk about something serious folks...
         Ever  heard about a so called writer who names himself as
         "The  GNN"?   If there is something that irritates me, it
         must  be his stupid and tiresome novels about things that
         absolutely  no-one  cares about.  And I mean NO-one!  Who
         could  for example, sit and read something so stupid as a
         novel  concerning  a horror future in America?  Perhaps a
         slightly retarded ape of some sort...
           His  ego  must be of gigantic proportions to think that
         there  really  is any value in the shit he produces.  And
         as every writer he claims himself to be seeing the things
         we  other  cannot  see, except that all of us has already
         seen  everything  he prides himself with seeing.  He even
         tries to decorate his work with small, easily spotted and
         laughed at, sarcasms.  Can you believe this dork???  When
         he starts to write about something substantial, give me a
         call will you...?

                                             Hedge.

                              ----------------

 
  Handle or Number: THE GNN
  Password: I rule


* Welcome to the BEST board in my room!

> help

* You must be joking.

> mail

* Core blimey, You have mail! Wanna read?

> yes


     From: PHEARLESS
       To: THE GNN
  Subject: listen to reason man

   You  fool!   No matter how hard you try, you never beat me sucker!
   I  write a lot better stuff than the garbage you put out.  I think
   you  missed  the  whole idea.  Quality, not Quantity.  I heard you
   were  putting  out your 100th file!  Ha Ha!  One hundred pieces of
   shit,  what  a  celebration...   I hope you get brain cancer, just
   like your mother!                                                
                                         

* You have more mail. To be exact - you have four more letters to read.

> list subjects

  1. "FUCK YOU!"
  2. "Sod *off*!"
  3. "Why do you write all that SHIT"
  4. "You will die tomorrow after breakfast"

* Read mail?

> are you kidding

* Would you like to go to the file areas?

> yes please


    --1->   This BBS does not accept uploads other than TEXT FILES.
    --2->   If you upload something else than text files the friendly
            sysop will rip your head off and shit in the hole.

    Two simple rules easy to remember and follow. For more information,
    read the messages in the [I am the third reincarnation of Jesus and
    I can prove it, and now I am gonna speak SO LISTEN!] message area.


* Would you like to check for new uploads?

> no

* Would you like to check for old uploads?

> no

* Would you like to scan the areas?

> no

* WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANNA DO THEN?

> upload


* Rules for Uploading: Only text files. Nothing else than text files.
  The GNN is *not* *not* *NOT* allowed to upload anything!

Filename: GNN-FILE!

Description: HEY GUYZ! A NEW KOOL TEXT FILE THAT WILL BLOW YA BRAINS 
             AWAY WHEN YOU READ IT SINCE


* ...This is the friendly SYSOP THE CHIEF breaking in for a chat...

> I told you *not* to upload! ARE YOU BLIND OR SOMETHING?

But this file is great!  A masterpiece!  Better than the bible!  I swear on
my mothers grave that this file will touch your heart!  It will eat your
brain!  It will give you twenty orgasms in a row!  It is better than
getting your rocks off with a girl!  It is


NO CARRIER



CONNECT 9600

  Welcome to THE STASH. (No, THE GNN we do *not* want you to login!)

               Telegard Bulletin Board System - Version 2.7        
       Copyright 1988-1991 by Martin Pollard.  All rights reserved.
                                                                   
                                                                   
                           WELCOME TO THE ST                   


NO CARRIER


CONNECT 9600


  Welcome to THE STAS


NO CARRIER



  *SIGH*

DOS> dir /texts/good/best/amazing/divine/THEGNN

How  To  Get  Even!   Car Explosion Look-Alike Making A Small Flame Thrower
Miscellaneous  Crimes Miscellaneous Terror Projects For The Extremely Bored
Anarchist  Suicide!   How  To Shrink A Head The Ten Most Wanted By Interpol
Information Terrorism (At School) The Truth The Truth About Women Anarchist
Unite  A  Jolly  Good  Day In School Depth Charge Depression The Excuse The
Anatomy Of Hate Acid Human Terrorism AI Alarm!  How To Deal With The Police
El  Presidente  -  Handgun  Shooting  Skill  Errors  Eternal Life What Goes
Around...   I  Know  Who You Are!  Squib Joke The Voice Torture With Things
Laying  Around  At  Home  Divine  Problems  Listen Carefully What Happened?
Judgement  Day  Electricity Toy Soldiers The Lost Soul Smog's Revenge Laser
Human  Terrorism  The Cure For Paranoia 10th Generation Headhunter Backfire
(coop  with Phearless) People of the Elite Scene - Yargh!  Meanwhile Feline
Superiority  The  Family  Man Utopia Two Poems in One (coop with Phearless)
Sex!   Meaning Of Life Vampires Anno 90's Church Of The Re(A)listic What Do
You  Think  About  Bleed?   Dental  Torture The Civilized Primitive Prowler
Elite  Modemtraders  The  Missionary  Man  ...As  If Every Day...  Perpetum
Mobile  - Three Poems The Open Road Towards The Future They Are Coming Why?
Als  Sprach  - Ten Topics The House Of The Criminally Insane The Last Night
Of  The World Live On Stage Again:  Messiah!  The Last Frontier The Killing
Truth The Lynch Mob Prometheus Symptom Rage!  The Power Declare War!  A Day
For Tired People Exciting Life An Amazing Christmas Tale The Man Behind Bob
- The Serial Killer How To Make a Bomb!  Interrogation Red Team The Stand A
Theory  of  Justice  -  The  Game  Show  Five Stories From The Metaphysical
Workshop  The  Eternal  Machine  Operation Moon Sucker Wild West Who Knows?
Gas Station Lock picking using the Lock Clicker The Fanatic Hunter The Good
Life  Final  Discovery  City  of  Slaves  Analys  av  Roda Arme Fraktionens
Politiska Mal Vagen ut Methods for Creating a Paranoid Lifestyle (coop with
Hedge) Practical Redress


  This is what you read.

  This is what you get.




  //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
              This is what you hear and this is what you get.
          No copyright Front 242. Call THE STASH +46-13-NEVERSTOP
  \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

                                 Ho ho ho.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 uXu #184              Underground eXperts United 1994              uXu #184
                        Call PEGASUS -> +41-71-715577
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------