$$$$$$$$$$$
                                $$$$$$$$$$$  hogz of entropy #158
               $$$$$P           $$$$   $$$$  moo, oink, up your butt.
               $$$$P            $$$$  x$$$$
               $$$P             $$$$ xP$$$$      d$$$$$$$$$$$.
               $$$.             $$$$xP $$$$     $$$$$$'  >$$$$
               $$$$$$$$$.       $$$$P  $$$$     4$$$$$. .$$$$'
               $$$$'`4$$$b.     $$$$   $$$$      4$$$$$$$$$P'
               $$$$b  4$$$$b.   $$$$$$$$$$$       4$$$<          %%
               $$$$$b  4$$$$$x  $$$$$$$$$$$        4$$$$$$$$$    %%

                       >> "yellow.american.cheese.gz" <<

                               by -> Ilsundal

                * ILSUNDAL IS NOW THE OFFICAL HOE SECRETARY! *

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

	it's quite interesting on how you can persude someone to install
 just about anything on their linux machine.  below, is an ACTUAL
 conversation both myself and rattle contributed in, in order to speed up
 DCC transfers on caller's linux machine (now known as neme).

 +---

 <caller> what to type foir graphical one?
 <caller> "uNF"
 <Ilsundal> the graphical one is some easy stuff!
 <Ilsundal> easy easy easy!
 <Ilsundal> :) :) :)
 <caller> well what to type?
 <caller> uncany        
 <rattle> or when doubt.. take the back end of a screw driver and hit it
          real hard.. ask ilsundal, it's what _i_ do...
 <caller> TELL ME WHAT TO TYPE!$@#@!#
 <rattle> okie..  killall5
 <rattle> but not as root!
 <caller> ok brbr
 <Ilsundal> XF86Config, or xf86config .. ONE of those.
 <caller> hehe
 <Ilsundal> try both!
 <caller> ok           
 <Ilsundal> and look for cheese.
 <rattle> american, yellow american cheese..  (to be spicific)
 <caller> i get txt on xf86config command not found on XF86Config
 <Ilsundal> werd werd slipperty werd ...
 <Ilsundal> that's a bitch ...
 <Ilsundal> hmmm.
 <rattle> do a locate for it..  maby its not in your path
 <caller> ok
 <caller> found it
 <caller> hehe
 <caller> brb
 <rattle> the cheese?
 <Ilsundal> xmseconfig ..
 <rattle> was it yellow american?  if its not, you are fucked... alot
 <caller> rattle, shush
 <Ilsundal> hmm.
 <Ilsundal> crazy.
 <rattle> shush?  i give you sound unix advice and you go shush?!#@$
 <rattle> Ilsundal: you belive this?  
 <Ilsundal> wh0rd.
 <rattle> no ext2 filesystem is complete without good old american cheese..
 <caller> rattle, yellow! it snot yellow!
 <rattle> no matter what domain its under..
 <rattle> com
 <rattle> net
 <rattle> uk
 <rattle> au
 <rattle> ca
 <rattle> fi
 <caller> haha snot
 <rattle> etc.
 <rattle> o.. so you found the cheese?  good..
 <rattle> what dir is it in?
 <caller> one sec
 <caller> ./var/X11R6/lib
 <rattle> DOOD!$*()!#$  thats a old version@#!$!$   if they put it there..
          this is bad..
 <Ilsundal> worms live in dirt! worms drive me crazy!
 <caller> urg
 <caller> u guys are wierd
 <caller> :)
 <caller> but like i have wierd friends so i guess its cool
 <caller> :))
 <Ilsundal> no tats, no piercings, no hats ..
 <rattle> (c)rackrock/bX :: 1 pack(s) :: /ctcp rattle cdcc help
 <rattle> [slots(6/6) queue(10/10) minspeed(0kb/s) record(0.0kb/s)]
 <rattle> ( 1) [ 64b |  0x] yellow.american.cheese.gz
 <rattle>       øùú put this is /usr/local/bin  root.bin 750
 <rattle>   úÄ 64b offered, 0b snagged Äú
 [exec] zcat yellow.american.cheese.gz [exec]
 <rattle> #!/bin/sh
 <rattle> echo yum\!
 <rattle> # [eof]
 <caller> hehe so what to do
 <Ilsundal> sorry i crashed through your window on acid ...
  <caller> ok ok
 [cdcc]: sending caller pack #1 (1 file)   
[û] caller [caller@ts006d17.nas-tn.concentric.net] requested CDCC from you
 *** DCC SEND connection with caller [206.83.78.149(1091)] established.
 *** DCC SEND/yellow.american.cheese.gz [64bytes] to caller completed [(1
     secs)0.0625 kb/s]
 <caller> ok brb
 <rattle> now remember.. thats COMMERCIAL.. so don't distribute it..
 <rattle> and i suggest you run it in rc.local
 <caller> mv it to /usr/local/bin with that file name?
 <Ilsundal> all of my neurons are functioning smoothly and still i'm a
            cyborg just like you.
 <caller> oik im confused
 <caller> easily confused
 <Ilsundal> caller, what's the spathi secret cypher?
 <rattle> same name..  just ungzip it, and chown root.bin
          yellow.american.cheese
 <rattle> and then chmod 750 yellow.american.cheese..  then have it run in
          the rc.local
 <caller> mv yellow.american.cheese /usr/local/bin
 <caller> is what u want me to do?
 <rattle> yep
 <Ilsundal> huffi muffi guffi!
 <caller> ok i messed up
 <rattle> then add these two lines to your /etc/rc.d/rc.local  :::
 <caller> ok brb
 <rattle> echo "starting cheese dameon..."
 <rattle>  /usr/local/bin/yellow.american.cheese    
 <caller> quit im trying to think!
 <caller> hehe
 <caller> no more typing i have to think
 <rattle> you better spit out the gum
 <Ilsundal> caller, read that FAQ.
 <caller> ok
 <rattle> have you ruptured yet
 <rattle> ?
 <caller> i thnk i did it righ
 <caller> right
 <caller> arg
 <rattle> okok..  if the cheese admeon installed?
 <caller> i think/hope
 <rattle> ok...  for now, just run it as root...
 <caller> it like said yum!
 <caller> so
 <rattle> that means its installed..
 <rattle> good job.
 <rattle> you are now running the latest cheese dameon..
 <caller> ok so what now?                 
 <rattle> thats it!  now try to download accelx
 <caller> uhm ok
 <Ilsundal> yes, you shouldn't have any problems now.
 <caller> so what is this cheese thing doing?
 <caller> im on a queue
 <Ilsundal> Yo mama has one ear and a burnt potato chip.
 <caller> wh00p, cuz eye be growed up in da getto
 <rattle> uhh...  er..  it just acts as a compressor for your tcp/ip
          transfers..  kinda makes sure you don't lose packets and stuff..
          thats probally the problem you have been having.. i don't know
          exactly what it does.. i just know it works, and that its
          secure..
 <caller> Ilsundal, u said ah needed uh tcp/ip logger?. Ya' know what I be
          sayin'?
 <Ilsundal> caller, beer?
 <rattle> Ilsundal: warez?
 <caller> hell ya!, what 'chew thinking man
 <Ilsundal> a huh-huh, he said chew.
 <caller> war-ez, an dat boil on mah ass.
 <caller> its ebonix foo', with muh beeotch
 <Ilsundal> caller, the sliver is lurking ...      
 <caller> got BitchX?, w0rd!
 <caller> ah dont th'o't ah could live without da'beeitchx, with muh beeotch
 <caller> roxors yoh fr0, and git Testeefa Kaleema's ass back ova' heeah.
 <rattle> caller: _english_ its the launguage.  really!
 <caller> amanda_ droped muh d0cs, slap mah fro!           
 <caller> uNF ok
 <caller> rattle, will u own me?
 <Ilsundal> caller, do we get a free cake if we do?
 <caller> Ilsundal, sorry i got pizza and crackrock!
 <caller> Ilsundal, when i get this d/led will it be hard for me to config
          it?
 <Ilsundal> nope.
 <Ilsundal> all menu driven.
 *** sarah123 [away@stj529.nf.sympatico.ca] has joined #zines
 <sarah123> hi!
 <Ilsundal> hi hi!
 <caller> it hasnt been started yet im on a fucking queue
 <Ilsundal> sarah123, are you a zany character?
 <caller> i!
 <sarah123> but my zine 
 <sarah123> but=buy    
 <caller>  did anyone c X-files last night?     
 <caller> this lady goes can u decrypt it and the haxors goes baby my
          kungfoo is the best!
 <caller> i was laffing
 <caller> i couldnt belive it
 <caller> believe     
 <Ilsundal> hax0rs play D&D.
 <caller> d&d?
 <Ilsundal> caller, so, read any good fucking books lately?
 <caller> it started
 <caller> Ilsundal, uhmm ya takedown the number of the beast cukoos egg all
          of them
 <rattle> is the transfer going alright now?
 <caller> iv read veryone of dem haxor bo0ks                  
 *** [signoff/#zines] caller (Ping timeout)
 <rattle> damn..  musta been that cheese dameon...
 *** caller [caller@ts006d17.nas-tn.concentric.net] has joined #zines  
 <rattle> welcome back!
 <rattle> how is the transfer going?
 <caller> ya least it still goes after eww die
 <caller> 1.261
 <caller> 2%
 <rattle> goodie.. see?  i told you the cheese dameon would fix all your
         problems..  tell everyone you know about it, its really a good
         program..     
 <rattle> my work here is done  
 ì rattle is idle, YOUR FAVORITE BAND SUCKS. [bX(l/on p/on)]
 <caller> thanks

 +---

	if i wasn't laughing so hard during the process of this, i would have
 thought enough to have him place it in /usr/local/sbin, and put some sort
 of infinate sleep command in the 'dameon'.  oh well.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #158 -- written by Ilsundal -- 12/17/97 *