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                           >> "Normal Vacation" <<

                                by -> Murmur

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                THE PLAYERS:

 MURMUR:  a dapper gentleman from the North.
 QUAREX:  the local fire chief.
 GLYNIS:  the local sweetheart.
 MOGEL:   a visitor from the Orient.
 JAMESY:  a porn star.
 FEIVAL:  the local cub scout den mother.
 YUMMAS:  a porn star.
 TAO:     local zen master.
 KREEG:   the local fish.
 vanir:   CRAZY MAN!!!!@$#!!*$@~$@@U@Q ~!^TY# ~T ^I$I^O($&@~e4y43 !88 8 8
 GRAY:    the local hustler.
 ERECT:   the professor.
 JUKE:    the most respected man in the world.
 CRANK:   local negative-noun.

 ---

 NORTHERN METAMOR.  It is Monday in Northern Metamora.

 ---

 <TITLE> THY BACKGROUND </TITLE>

 In the quaint town of Northern Metamora, life is odd.  GLYNIS, the local
 sweetheart, and QUAREX, the local fire chief, have had a stormy sequence as
 of late.  QUAREX, feeling jilted by GLYNIS, is unhappy, and is futher
 unhappy by the news that MURMUR, the dapper gentleman from the North, has
 begun a relationship with GLYNIS.  FEIVAL is the best friend of GLYNIS.
 Meanwhile, JAMESY, a local porn star, and his female friend YUMMAS, also a
 porn star, along with MURMUR, are entertaining MOGEL, visiting from the
 Orient.

 This saga opens in a park.   A fork is here.

 ---

 A park.  It is a dark and stormy night.  QUAREX is here, with a lightning
 rod and some toads.  QUAREX is wearing a nazi war helmet and sunglasses.

 QUAREX:  I beseech of thee, bring me fire, so I mayest enact upon my quest!

 TAO and vanir enter the park.  TAO is wearing all black, and vanir is
 wearing a sombrero.

 TAO:     Greetings Brother QUAREX.
 vanir:   i'm CRAZY#^@%#&^%&  look at me@^&#&%#  CRAZY#^%&$@&%#@&^$
 QUAREX:  SATAN.

 JUKE enters the park, surrounded by fireflies.

 QUAREX:  JUKE, I respect your opinion.
 JUKE:    Thank you, QUAREX.
 QUAREX:  JUKE, should I be angry?
 JUKE:    No, QUAREX.
 vanir:   CUH-RAY-ZEE^#@$%&@^&$&^#%@&
 QUAREX:  JUKE, I do not respect your opinion.
 TAO:     Let us all be calm.

 Everyone in the park walks to the fountain in the middle of the park, where
 the fish KREEG swims around.

 QUAREX:  I hate fish.
 vanir:   I EAT DA FISHIE#&@^$^&T

 vanir eats KREEG.  The park is vacated.

 ---

 A bagel shoppe.  FEIVAL is working.

 FEIVAL:  I sure am tired of these bagels.  These bagels sure are annoying.
          Enough cream cheese for me, Sammy.  I'll show you where to stick
          those flumphfkins.

 GLYNIS, MURMUR, JAMESY, YUMMAS, and MOGEL are approaching the shoppe.

 MOGEL:   I do not why come from Orient for bagel.
 MURMUR:  You are here to meet FEIVAL.  FEIVAL is a cub scout den mother.
 MOGEL:   FEIVAL cute girlie yes?  We no Orient cutie have.
 JAMESY:  FAG FAG
 YUMMAS:  FAG FAG
 fag:     yes?
 JAMESY:  FAG FAG
 YUMMAS:  FAG FAG
 MOGEL:   We respect elders more Orient.
 GLYNIS:  Why did they say "FAG FAG"?
 MURMUR:  They're porn stars.
 MOGEL:   We respect porn stars more Orient.

 The party reaches the bagel shoppe.

 FEIVAL:  GLYNIS, is this MOGEL?
 GLYNIS:  This is JAMESY.  MOGEL is this one, the one from the Orient.
 JAMESY:  FAG FAG
 YUMMAS:  CUNT CUNT
 JAMESY:  OOG OOG CUNT FAG LIP LIP
 FEIVAL:  I'll whack 'em good if they come near my cub scouts!
 GLYNIS:  Don't worry about that right now.
 MURMUR:  Talk to MOGEL!!
 MOGEL:   This FEIVAL?
 MURMUR:  This is FEIVAL.
 god:     no.
 MOGEL:   FEIVAL have lovely knees.
 FEIVAL:  Uhm, okay.  I suppose that is nice.
 GLYNIS:  Are you done?
 FEIVAL:  I am done.
 MURMUR:  What shall we do?
 GLYNIS:  We shall go to the park.
 JAMESY:  CHOP FACE
 YUMMAS:  EAT BREAD

 Everyone leaves the bagel shoppe.

 ---

 A bedroom.  GRAY is here "alone" with his computer.

 GRAY:    HAHSAHAHAHAHA
 GRAY:    MY BOT ARMY HURTS YOU
 GRAY:    NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW
 GRAY:    HO-SAI
 GRAY:    MSU!!!!!!
 GRAY:    MY IRC GIRLFRIEND HAS REALLY BIG BOOBIES!@#%)
 GRAY:    HAHAHA!!!
 GRAY:    HAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!
 GRAY:    HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
 GRAY:    K-LINED ON MY OWN SERVER!!!! HAHAHAHAHA@!#@@!

 ---

 all around, the chaos spins!! nobody knows where chaos begins!!

 QUAREX: god, why matt?
 MOGEL:  let's have a dto conferance. or not.
 the birmingham 6: you been, thunderstruck.
 KANT: what is the true meaning of truth? what are the mechanics of right?
 <rj smashes kant's head with a hammer>
 rj:   i'm right, you blabbering pus node.
 rj's mind: you've totally lost your sense of humor.
 rj:   i have not.
 rj's mind: yes you have.  it's really sad.
 rj:   well, you know, i've been doing a lot of fiction.
 rj's mind: yeah.

        meanwhile, PIP wanders around.

 <the end of chaos.>

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     * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #152 -- written by Murmur -- 12/14/97 *