From: a218@mindlink.UUCP (Charlie Gibbs)
Subject: What those proposals really mean

I came across this while cleaning out some old files...


PROPOSAL PHRASE                        MEANING
---------------                        -------

You are fortunate indeed to have       If we don't get some revenue
contacted a manufacturer who can       from you this year we won't
deliver the equipmentwithin the        make our budget.
six-month delivery period, which
we estimate you require.

We have carried out an exhaustive      Look at the number of times
and comprehensive survey of your       we've taken you to lunch.
problems.

Furthermore, in a multiprogramming     We can't do it on one machine.
environment,two machines would offer
an element of parallel processing
which would not otherwise be possible
on any computer equipment you are
likely to consider.

We cannot overemphasize the            We have no floating-point
importance of this decimal             hardware.
arithmetic capability.

Our third-generation equipment         There will be no local backup.
provides the highest standard of
reliability.

While we have not been shown detailed  We can't understand your
flow charts and description of your    specification, but the last
production control systems, we         one we did took four hours.
estimate that the computer time
required each week should not exceed
four hours.

No detailed knowledge of the           You will have to hire
interface to the communications        a specialist who can
network is required by the user's      understand it.
programming staff.

Using our high-level COBOL compiler,   02 NICTRB REDEFINES SLSGTB
programs can now be written in the                    PIC X(30).
English language.

This particular peripheral is          We don't make it, and never
available on a purchase-only basis.    want to see it again once
                                       you have bought it.

Local backup with comparable           We are hoping to sell a
installations will be provided.        similar configuration to
                                       another company 350 miles
                                       away.

The software we have recommended is    We will start writing it as
in the advanced development stage.     soon as you sign the order.

The equipment can be delivered to      We cannot deliver a machine
suit your requirements, but we         for two years.
estimate that you will not be ready
to take delivery until considerable
systems work has been carried out.

Independent assessment has rated       If you don't want our computer
our data preparation equipment         please buy our keypunches.
among the best available.

In accordance with our policy of       We hereby divest ourselves of
progressive improvement, the right     any responsibility for what we
is reserved to alter any detail of     have said, written, or are
price, specification, or terms         about to say or write.
without notice.

(Taken from the October 1968 issue of Datamation)