Flags: 000000000001
From: gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener)
Subject: Giuliani
Keywords: true, smirk, sexual
Date: 3 Apr 89 10:30:04 GMT

The following memos were reprinted in SPY magazine a few months back.
I've edited them down to just the pertinent parts.
-----


RUDOLF GIULIANI: PROSECUTOR AS PARTY POOPER
The following five memos reprinted below were all circulated in Rudolf
Giuliani's Manhattan office last summer.

Memo #1:  Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo
	  memo writing staff.


				M E M O R A N D U M

	Date: June 14, 1988
	From: The Boat Ride Committee
	Re: The Summer Boat Ride
	To: All Staff and Summer Students

	The Summer Boat Ride will be on Monday, July 18, from 7-11,
	PM.  Boarding begins at 6:30 PM at Pier 62 at 23rd Street.

	etc.....


Memo #2:  Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo
	  writing staff.


				M E M O R A N D U M

	Date: July 13, 1988
	From: The Boat Ride Committee
	Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride
	To: All Staff and Summer Students

	We are once again oversubscribed for the summer boat ride by
	more than 100 people.  We therefore need your help in reducing
	the number of attendees.  If you signed up for the boat ride but
	now know that you cannot attend, _or_ if you no longer plan to
	bring a guest, _or_ if, given our oversubscription problem, you
	generously decide not to bring a guest, please inform Mildred
	Miles as soon as possible.  Your cooperation is most appreciated
	and will help us avoid more drastic means to reduce attendance.
	At the time of boarding, we will have to check attendance, which
	is limited to those persons who submitted RSVP forms by no later
	than July 11.

	etc...


Memo #3:  Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo
	  writing staff.

				M E M O R A N D U M

	Date: July 15, 1988
	From: The Boat Ride Committee
	Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride
	To: All Staff and Summer Students

	Because we have not been able to solve our oversubscription
	problem for the summer boat ride, we unfortunately will have
	to cut back on the number of guests at the event.  We regret
	that we will only be able to accomodate spauses or "significant
	others" of staff.  Please do not bring as guests anyone but a
	spouse or "significant other."  In addition, using other people's
	RSVP's as a means of getting friends on board will not be
	permitted.

	Only those people who submitted RSVP forms by July 11 will
	be allowed to board the boat.  We will be checking attendance
	that night, so please bring office ID's with you to the boat ride.
	To avoid embarrassment for yourself or others, please abide by
	these request.  We thank you for your cooperation in solving this
	difficult overcrowding problem.


Memo #4:  Written by an anonymous parodist in Giuliani's office and
	  circulated as if written by the U.S. Attorney's official
	  memo writing staff.

				M E M O R A N D U M

	Date: July 15, 1988
	From: The Boat Ride Committee
	Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride
	To: All Staff and Summer Students.

	Some confusion has apparently arisen concerning the precise
	meaning of the term "significant other", as expressed in today's
	previous memorandum about authorized attendees at the boat ride.
	By "significant other,"  we mean truly significant others, 
	i.e., persons with whom you have slept within the past month.
	Lest further confusion arise as a result of this classification,
	let us go further into defining our terms.  By "slept with", we
	mean sexual relations, including but not limited to sexual
	intercourse and oral sex.

	Only those others who satisfy this definition of "significant"
	will be allowed to board the boat.  To avoid embarrassment for
	yourself and others, you and your guest should be prepared to
	respond truthfully to questions concerning the nature and
	degree of your intimacy.  We thank you for your cooperation in
	our efforts to solve the problem of overcrowding at this
	year's boat ride.


Memo #5:  Written by U.S. Attorney Rudolf Giuliani himself.

			M E M O R A N D U M

	Date: July 15, 1988
	From: Rudolf Giuliani
	To: The entire office

	Apparently the office was circulated today with a memo concerning
	Monday's boat ride that may have been intended as humor or as a
	practical joke.  It was neither humorous nor a joke.  In fact, it
	was distasteful and upsetting to many.

	Everyone in the office can appreciate someone with a sense of
	humor.  I hope that the person who sent this will understand that
	this message was out of bounds and offensive.  It ought not to have
	been done and under no circumstances is it or anything like it to
	be repeated.  Fair warning.

----
Gabe Wiener		Columbia University
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.
Remember: If you POST your joke instead of mailing it, I will not reply.