Flags: 000000000201
Date: Thu, 4 May 89 09:45 CDT
From: Jim Milstein <Milstein@MCC.COM>
Subject: Science Lite
To: hi-people@MCC.COM
Message-Id: <19890504144530.6.MILSTEIN@OX.ACA.MCC.COM>

 
            SCIENTIST DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT - ADMINISTRATIUM
 
    The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
    University physicists.  The element, tentatively named Administratium
    (AD), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic number
    is 0.  However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron,
    75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons.  This gives
    it an atomic mass number of 312.  The 312 particles are held together
    in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of
    meson-like particles called memos.
 
    Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it can be
    detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which
    it is present.  According to one of the discoverers of the element, a
    very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally
    takes less than a second take over four days.
 
    Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at which time
    it does not actually decay.  Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in
    which assistants to the neutron, vice-neutrons, and assistants to the
    vice-neutrons exchange place.  Some studies have indicated that the
    atomic mass number actually increases after each reorganization.
 
    Administratium was discovered by accident when a researcher angrily
    resigned from the chairmanship of the physics department and dumped
    all of his papers in the intake hatch of the University's particle
    accelerator.  "Apparently, the interaction of all of those reports,
    grant forms, etc. with the particles in the accelerator created the
    new element."  an unnamed source explained.
 
    Research at other laboratories seems to indicate that Administratium
    might occur naturally in the atmosphere.  According to one scientist,
    Administratium is most likely to be found on college and university
    campuses, and in large corporation and government centers, near the
    best-appointed and best-maintained building.