Article: 49277 of talk.bizarre
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From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Subject: =3= Attack of the Usenet Winter Olympics
Message-ID: <1992Nov16.060508.16368@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Followup-To: rec.humor
Summary: Only the spectators survive.
Keywords: Usenet Winter Olympics coverage -- exclusively on USPN!
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
References: <1992Nov13.083517.29864@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
 <1992Nov14.072212.29383@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
 <1992Nov15.072436.11408@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 06:05:08 GMT
Lines: 53
Status: O

    \\
   ////     The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents...
  (____)
   \  /
    ||
    ||

Vin Scully:                            |     _                _
>Hello again, sports fans!  This is    |  ||| |              | |||
>Vin Scully with an update on today's  | (||| |==============| |||)
>events in the Usenet Winter Olympics. |  ||| |   \   O   /  | |||
>                                      |    '-'    '__|__'   '-'
>The Altlifting competition, after a   |              |
>fast start by Michael Nolan of the    |              |
>group alt.humor.oracle (now "rec"),   |              |
>was marred by tragedy when athlete    |             / \
>Joel Furr was crushed during an       |            /   \
>attempt to move the alt.folklore.*    |           /     \
>hierarchy.  Furr is in critical but   |
>stable condition, and is expected to  |          "Put that DOWN!"
>recover.                              |       o     o         o
>                                      |  o   -+-'  -+-   o   -+-
>A subsequent attempt by Mark Brader   | -+-   |     |  '-+-   |
>of comp.society.folklore to move only |  |   / \   / \   |   / \
>the alt.folklore.computers group also | / \             / \
>met with failure today, leaving Nolan |
>as the only athlete to have succeeded |    A L T L I F T I N G
>at this difficult, challenging event. |
                                       |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics

Vin:                                   |============ @  ===========
>Meanwhile, the semifinal round of the |||||||||| o /  * ||||||||||
>Hockey competition began today as the ||||||||| -+-  -+- |||||||||
>group soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya    |========= | == | ==========
>was flattened 17-0 by news.groups.    |         / |  / \ @__    :
>                                      |  \ /                   :
>When asked for an explanation of the  |   .__|_o              :
>lopsided victory, news.groups team    | \                    :
>captain G. Wolfe Woodbury told us,    |  @                  :
>"We had the regular ice replaced by   |        "Where's the
>frozen Holy Water, and while the SRIA |        #%$!! PUCK?!"  o
>people were standing around arguring  |                  :   -+-
>over who would still be able to skate,|                 :   / |
>we scored 17 goals."                  |          @     :   @ / \
>                                      |       o /     :
>News.groups goes on to face the       |      -+-     :
>heavily favored rec.sport.hockey team |       |  "What puck?"
>in the championships.                 |      / \   :
>                                      |
>Stay tuned to USPN for more updates   |        H O C K E Y
>and for exclusive coverage of the     |
>Downhill Arguing competition, coming  |1992 Usenet Winter Olympics
>up right after these messages.        |