Article: 25754 of talk.bizarre Path: news.duke.edu!duke!concert!rutgers!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Newsgroups: news.groups,rec.humor,rec.humor.oracle.d,rec.arts.startrek.misc,rec.arts.sf.misc,alt.flame,talk.bizarre Subject: =6= 1992 Usenet Olympics: Leading a Horse to Water Summary: "Beating a Dead Horse" was much too disgusting for network television Keywords: The 1992 Usenet Olympic Games -- exclusively on USPN! Message-ID: <1992Aug8.052736.2967@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Date: 8 Aug 92 05:27:36 GMT References: <1992Aug5.061307.2856@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Aug6.060218.4678@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Aug7.050911.1323@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Followup-To: news.groups Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network Lines: 140 Xref: news.duke.edu news.groups:15289 rec.humor:23390 rec.humor.oracle.d:382 rec.arts.startrek.misc:8755 rec.arts.sf.misc:2658 alt.flame:11917 talk.bizarre:25754 Status: RO "And the politicians, throwing stones So they kids they dance and shake their bones 'Cause it's all too clear we're on our own Singing ashes, ashes, all fall down Ashes, ashes, all fall down" -- "Throwing Stones" / Grateful Dead * * * Don Pardo: >The Usenet Sports Programming Network proudly presents: \\ ________________________________________ Exclusive Coverage //// ____________________________________________________ of the (____) _________________________________ 1992 Usenet Olympic Games \ / || Leading a Horse to Water || Qualifying Round o _^^. --+-. []__ '. \ . '. '----__x'__--------.--. . '. | \ * . \ * | o. \ .---. | -+-' '__|/__--' '-|' ___........___ \ / / / / \',',',','/ / / \ / /o / / \ / / | \ / /--x.__ / / \_____/__/ / \__ / Brought to you by Tipper Gore, the official nightmare of the 1992 Usenet Olympic Games [Night mare. Get it?] Arthur Kent: >Welcome back once again to USPN's exclusive coverage of the 1992 >Usenet Olympic Games. We're coming to you live from Thompson Park >where the last of the equestrian events is underway, the emotional >and challenging Leading a Horse to Water competition. Marv Albert: >Our first competitors are from the news.groups team, and they've >got quite a challenge here in the opening round... Alok Vijayvargia: >The outcome of the soc.culture.tamil vote was unethical; I wanted >the group to be defeated, and it was not. This is unethical. Jawaid Bayzar: >Are you out of your MIND? Just because a vote doesn't turn out >the way you wanted it to doesn't mean the vote-taker was cheating! Alok: >Your attempts to conceal the truth make it even more apparent that >this vote has been tampered with by unethical campaigning. Roger Tang: >You are, beyond all doubt, a complete jackass, an utter moron, a-- Alok: >Your deliberate attempts to coerce me into keeping silent are >clear signs of a conspiracy. I am further convinced that the >vote-taker for this vote acted unethically. Susan Chacko: [*Genuine article!* See ] >This is priceless. Alok taking the high moral position on >impropriety in newsgroup voting??? Alok: >This vote has been tainted by campaigning and extortion by the >vote-taker of soc.culture.tamil. The SCT vote is a fraud. Frank Peters: >But the campaigning came BEFORE the CFV, not during it! There is >NOTHING that says the vote-taker can't speak in favor of a group >before the CFV is issued!! Alok: >You are all in need of psychiatric help. Roger: >*I* need psychiatric help?! You [adjective] moron! I ought to >[verb] [noun], [verb] [preposition] [body part] [adverb] and >[sexual act illegal in Georgia] [kitchen appliance] until >you [physically impossible sexual act]! Alok: >Your threats will not intimidate me into silence. I will root out >this conspiracy and prevent this violation of vote-taker ethics. Richard Miller: >Alok, you're completely clueless. I'd lend you a clue, but -- >say, where's Peter da Silva? Alok: >If it is unethical for me to campaign as vote-taker during the >vote on soc.culture.indian.american, than it is illegal for the >vote-taker of soc.culture.tamil to campaign. I demand that he >be brought to justice. Jamie Gritton: >...but...he...didn't...do...anything...WRONG,...you... Arthur Kent: >We're going to have to break away for a commercial, but we'll be >back in a few moments as the competition enters its ninth hour! It's the Usenet Olympics Chess Set! This handsome collection is carefully hand-crafted from pewter, then coated with asbestos to create a unique masterpiece. Look at the detail on this pawn: Little specks of froth at corners of mouth! / o -+- | ^--Intricately detailed hand is actually flipping you off! /_\ '---' | | NOTE: Piece is shown larger than actual size '---' of 0.5" tall, to enhance detail. Call now and you'll receive two new pieces each month along with a handsome chessboard made out of antimatter, complete with its own magnetic containment field. Pay only your credit limit. If you're not completely satisfied, simply return the pieces and the magnetic containment field, and keep the antimatter as a free gift. Don't miss out on this special offer! Call today. Don Pardo: >Coming up: The Moderator Toss! [Stay tuned...]