From: bobmon@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu (RAMontante)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: More prog. lang. Help (follow-on)
Date: 8 Jul 90 10:30:04 GMT



The lovely explanation of how to identify a programming language by
its effects, missed a few languages.  Herewith:


FORTRAN:
	You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out
	of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat.  If you run
	out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-
	processing ability.

Algol:
	You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket.  The musket is
	esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent
	medic in the emergency room.

COBOL:
	USEing a COLT45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
	ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER, and SQUEEZE. THEN
	return HANDGUN to HOLSTER.  Check whether shoelace needs
	to be retied.

BASIC:
	Shoot self in foot with water pistol.  On big systems, continue
	until entire lower body is waterlogged.

PL/I:
	You consume all available system resources, including all the
	offline bullets.  The DataProcessing&Payroll Department doubles
	its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and
	drops the original one on your foot.

SNOBOL:
	You grab your foot with your hand, then rewrite your hand to
	be a bullet.  The act of shooting the original foot then
	changes your hand/bullet into yet another foot (a left foot).

lisp:
	You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
	which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
	with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
	gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

scheme:
	You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with
	which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun
	with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the
	gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
	...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.

English:
	You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.

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