From: bp@thedog.cis.ufl.edu (Brian Pane)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: What language is afoot?
Date: 20 Jun 90 10:30:07 GMT



	How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using:

     The proliferation of modern programming languages which seem to have
stolen countless features from each other sometimes makes it difficult to
remember which language you're using.  This guide is offered as a public
service to help programmers in such dilemmas.


C:	   You shoot yourself in the foot.

Assembly:  You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk.  The system
	   administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot.  After
	   a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself
	   in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting
	   at everyone in sight.

C++:	   You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot
	   them all in the foot.  Providing emergency medical care
	   is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies
	   and which are just pointing at others and saying, "that's
	   me, over there."

Ada:	   If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the
	   United States Department of Defense will kidnap you,
	   stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the
	   soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."

Modula/2:  After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything
	   in the language, you shoot yourself in the head.

sh,
csh,etc.:  You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours
	   reading man pages before giving up.  You then shoot the computer
	   and switch to C.

Smalltalk: You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing
	   system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your
	   workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character
	   terminal.

APL:	   You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you
	   don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the
	   hell happened.