Conspiracy Nation -- Vol. 11  Num. 23
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                     ("Quid coniuratio est?")
 
 
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BILL CLINTON: A LAUGH RIOT
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            "Wee Willie Clinton runs all around.
            He's uptown, downtown, in his night-gown."

"Wow!  Hubba-hubba!  Look at  that chick!" exclaims Governor Bill
Clinton (Arkansas) to an Arkansas State  Police  bodyguard.   "Go
get her! I'll be up in my hotel room."

Paula  Jones,  a  state  employee,  is  summoned to meet with the
then-Governor of  her  state.   She  enters  Bill Clinton's hotel
room.  The door is closed behind her.  By  way  of  introduction,
Bill  Clinton says, "You sure are a fox!  Have you ever 'done it'
with a real live Governor before!?"

She is embarrassed.   The  smooth  young  Governor makes his next
move.  He pulls down his pants  and  exposes  his  erect  member.
"Kiss it," he commands.

Bill  Clinton's penis must have been erect.  A sworn affidavit by
Ms.  Jones,  as  reported  in  the  Washington  Times (10/15/97),
describes the "distinguishing characteristic" of  Bill  Clinton's
penis  as  "a  distinctly  angled  bend visible when the penis is
erect."

In 1969-74 we had "Tricky  Dick"  Nixon.  Today, we have "Crooked
Dick" Clinton.

Governor Bill did not "score" with Paula Jones, but he  has  been
lucky  with  numerous other sexual "conquests."  For example, the
leonine Lothario had  a  jolly  time  with  former Miss Arkansas,
Sally Perdue. Says Ms. Perdue:

  When I see him now, president of the United States, meeting
  world leaders, I can't believe it...   I  still  have  this
  picture of him, wearing my black nightgown, playing the sax
  badly;  this  guy,  tiptoeing  across  the park and getting
  caught on the fence.   How  do  you  expect  me to take him
  seriously?  (Spotlight, 2/7/94)

So you see, Sally Perdue even still gets a chuckle from  our  Mr.
Bill.

Bill  did  another funny thing one time when he needed a haircut.
He was President and in Air Force One, on the runway.  But it was
time for a haircut!  Bill Clinton  must  have had a laugh when he
caused air traffic to grind to a halt while a barber was  brought
aboard.  "Snip, snip, snip," went the barber's shears; "Haw, haw,
haw,"  laughed  Bill Clinton as he lorded it over delayed airline
passengers.

Now Bill Clinton is down  in  South America.  Prior to arrival in
Brazil, the Clinton team asked the entire nation of Brazil, equal
in size to the continental United States, to temporarily  suspend
daylight  savings  time.  (Brazil is in the southern hemisphere.)
Brazil was asked to go back  to  standard time while Big Bill was
there so that the laugh-a-minute leader's  "scheduling"  problems
would be eased. (Electronic Telegraph, 10/14/97)

In  Brazil  on October 14th, the Brazilian people tried to get in
on the fun our chief  executive inspires.  Crowds threw manure on
Bill Clinton's  limousine  as  it  snaked  through  the  city  of
Brasilia.  (AP 10/14/97) The practical joke did not seem to anger
Bill,  who was not "burned up" about it.  But when the Brazilians
next burned  Clinton  in  effigy,  he  must  have been wondering,
"What's funny about that?"

Next stop is Argentina for the  big,  goofy  guy  from  Arkansas.
After  that,  who  knows?   Bet  on  this:   there's  bound to be
laughs-a-plenty!

 +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +  +

For related stories, visit:
http://www.shout.net/~bigred/cn.html
http://feustel.mixi.net

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Aperi os tuum, decerne quod justum est, et judica inopem et 
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