WORK RULES
 
1. SICKNESS: This is not allowed under any circumstances. We will no
     longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of your illness. If
     you can walk to your doctor you can certainly get to work.
 
2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: This practice must stop from
     today. We wish to dsicourage any thoughts that you may not need all
     of whatever you have and you should not consider having anything
     removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed
     certainly makes you less than we bargained for.
 
3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: You must arrange to attend all funerals
     very late in the day after your work is done. Providing this is
     adhered to we will consider letting you go one hour earlier. Please
     be sure to put this in writing.
 
4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This acceptable as an excuse, but we would like at
     least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to teach someone
     else your job. Treat this point as important.
 
5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the loo.
     In the future you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical
     order. For instance, those with surnames beginning with "A" will be
     allowed to go from 9-9:05 and so on. If you are unable to go at
     your appointed time you must wait until the next day when your time
     comes around again.
 
6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do you'll never do enough.
     If you disagree please see your shop steward/supervisor.
 
7. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection at all
     times.
 
8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live frog the first thing in the morning and
     you will be hopping around all day and certainly nothing worse can
     happen to you the rest of the day.
 
9. THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT: Even in his absence.
 
10. WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG REFER TO RULE 9.