Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes.  By 
then, you're a mile away, and he's got no shoes.  --Johnny Carson
 
        You can lead a jackass to knowledge, but you can't make him 
think.
                --Jeff Lee

        A professor is one who talks in other people's sleep.  --Unknown

        Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't get eight cats to pull a 
sled through snow.  --Jeff Valdez

        Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back 
to you.  --Mary Bly

        I take my pet lion to church every Sunday.  He has to eat.
                --Marty Pollio

        I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing 
boxer shorts and I know how to use them.  --Robert Orben

        I'm actually the reincarnation of myself.  I have a wicked case 
of deja vu.  --:Dave Wright

        So where's my dinner?..  One of the Great Masters indeed.
                --Leonardo da Vinci's dog, "The Far Side"

        To a child in Pennsylvania or New Jersey or Georgia, with a good 
home, food, health, yes, human rights are hollow words.  But if your 
father's being tortured in prison, or your family's in a refugee camp, 
or you're hungry and afraid, there's nothing boring about human rights.
        --Former Pres. Jimmy Carter

        What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a Jehovah's 
Witness?  Someone who comes to your door but doesn't know what he's 
doing there.
        --Unknown

        What do you call an Efreet's family tree?  His DJINNI-ology!
                --Unknown

        The trouble with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people 
last too long.  --Unknown

        Celibacy is not hereditary.  --Guy Goden

        She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue 
caught in the toaster.  --Rodney Dangerfield

        I don't need parents.  All I need is a recording that says, "Go play 
outside!"  --Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
 
        They say KNOWLEDGE will open many doors, men -- but personally, I 
brefer a battering ram!  --Hagar the Horrible

        There are three types of people in the world:  1- Those who make 
things happen.  2- Those who watch things happen.  3- And those who wonder 
what the hell happened.  --Unknown

        Teamwork is fine -- but in the heat of battle, you have to look out 
for Number One!  Incidentally -- I'M Number One.  --Hagar the Horrible

        There's so much to learn and so much of it not worth learning.
                --Unknown

        The only thing worse than  being talked about is NOT being talked 
about.  --Oscar Wilde

        The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
                --Gloria Leonard

From Sunday's Mother Goose and Grimm:
 
Grimm: Can I see the obit page for a minute?..... Oh my gosh Attila... It 
happened again!... Just like yesterday... Coincidence or what?... Everybody 
died in alphbetical order!

        Get in good physical condition before submitting to bondage.  You 
should be fit to be tied.  --Robert Byrne

        I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir".
                --Joan Rivers

        Don't like environmentalists?  Put 'em out of work.
                --Bruce Von Alten

        No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.  --Unknown

        31 is a terrific age to be -- old enough to know better, but young 
enough to do it anyway.  --Janice Jacobson

        There is nothing so strange, in a strange land, as the stranger who 
comes to visit it.  --Unknown

        What do you call an Efreet's family tree?  His DJINNI-ology!
                --Unknown

        The trouble with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people 
last too long.  --Unknown