The Incomplete and Abridged Computer Term Lexicon
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ANALOG - Hors d'oeuvre, usually made of cheese and covered with crushed 
nuts. Served at all staff parties.

APPLE - Typically, a device used to seduce men. Usually equipped with 
display screens and/or worms.

BAR CHART - A list of places to go when it's Miller time.

BINARY - Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.

BIPOLAR - Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, 
New York.

BIT - Similar to a nibble. Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful.  See 
BYTE.

BPI - A 1960s term used to describe unmentionable parts of the anatomy, 
as in "you bet your bpi."

BUBBLE MEMORY - A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's 
intelligence. See also "vacuum tube."

BUG - Small living things that small boys throw on small living girls.

BYTE - A mouthful, as in "How many bytes in a Big Mac?"

CASSETTE - A very small petite cass - usually achieved through exercise.

CPU - A juvenile way of telling your dog he missed the paper.

CHARACTER DENSITY - The number of very weird people in the office.

CHIP - Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip.

CLOSED LOOP - A method of execution no longer in vogue except in Iran.

CODE - Virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore 
throat, runny nose and fever.

COMMAND - Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in 
such a manner as to make the human fell as if he is in control.

COMPILE - A heap of decomposing vegetable matter.

CONVERSATIONAL MODE - Describes the typical office the day after a major 
sporting event.

CRT - A movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number and 
must write home.

CURSOR - An expert in four-letter words.

DEBUG - The act of placing shoe leather against a small creeping 
creature.

DOWNTIME - Coffee breaks, lunch or Friday mentality in the office.

DUMP - The EPA's answer to health.

ERROR - Something only humans can commit.

FIFO - Common name for a dog.

GIGO - A movie industry acronym referring to the numerous "Gidget 
Goes..." movies, i.e. GIGO Hawaii, GIGO surfing, etc.

HARDWARE - Typically boots, leather and chains. Contrast with software.

INTERFACE - The opposite of "Getouttamyface."

K - A term used in employment ads to disguise how much they are really 
willing to pay.

MEGAHERTZ - A very large car rental company.

NETWORK - THe occupation of a fisherman.

ON LINE - A statement shouted at tennis judges in response to serves 
being called out.

OUTPUT - What people who talk backwards do with their cat.

PROGRAM - What commercials try to do to us.

RAM - A male sheep.

REAL TIME - Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs 
there and then.

ROM - A RAM after a delicate operation.

SEMI-CONDUCTOR - A person hired to lead an orchestra before he has 
graduated from director's school.

SOFTWARE - Typically silk nighties, nylons, garter belts. Contrast with 
hardware.

TERMINAL - What most people have to be before consenting to see a 
doctor.

TRANSISTOR - A sibling, opposite of transbrother.

VACUUM TUBE - A derogatory term. See "BUBBLE MEMORY."