*       The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal -
                - a little bit of breast
                - a little bit of leg
                ..... and a lot of stuffing !!!


*       Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.

*       Forecast for Wedding...
                Expected development of Warm front, with extreme
                turbulence and moisture in lower regions.
                Good possibility of six inches overnight.
                Sun(son) is expected later on.

*       Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch instalments.

*       Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently
        and She'll last for many years.

*       If you don't want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.

*       Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass,
        One long hard route.

*       Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days,
        or you will get a Weak End.

*       Take heed from those who know
        Tie you nightie to your toes
        Close your eyes - hold your nose
        Then see how it goes...

*       Dont keep him in the dog house too often or he might give
        his bone to the woman next door.

*       Treat him like a flower...
                                        grab him by the stalk.

*       We are curious to know why you both wanted to borrow the
        black leather boots and bull whip ?

*       Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes
        you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you
        Pregnant.

*       Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be
        an Off-Spring next Spring.

*       Sorry I cannot be at Wedding... Please send me a photo of
        Bride and Groom Mounted.

*       Congatulations - rots of ruck - sideways is great.

*       Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms
        in womans sink.

*       Don't buy you bed from Grace Brothers (Myers) they stand
        behind everthing they sell.

*       Hope all your Tries are not converted.

*       Remember Pearl Harbour... Have fun before the nips come.

*       A honeymoon should be like a table...
                Four bare legs and no drawers.


"I was engaged myself once.  To a contortionist.  But she broke it off."

*       Go west young man, get up the Darling as far as you can.

*       And the story of the man who called his son Vendetta, because he
        always had it in for him...


*  "The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you
   never get to prove it."

*  The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've
   found a woman just like mother!"  His father replied, "So what do
   you want from me, sympathy?"


*       Your TV viewing on your wedding night will be...
                Firstly, The Marriage Game,
                Followed by, Great Temptation,
                The Untouchables,
                Mission Impossible,
                The Time is Right,
                Rawhide and Bonanza.

*       They were married on the cricket field, that night they were
        quite wicket, the bride said with a happy smile, I'm sure
        this can't be cricket.

*       A lifetime in snooker my dearest, it's happened to you,
        so don't forget to chalk his cue and the first game you
*       Two passing ships making matrimonial knots while fouled
        in each others stern line, recommended inter between course
        69 STOP
        Happy voyage, bottoms up.

*       Congratulations on finding a socket outlet for you plug

*       Advice to submariners - if torpedo overheats, load tube,
        go deep and eject.

*       May the Blue bird of happiness crap all over your wedding cake.

*       Confucious say wife for life is better than wife for strife.

*       Don't be too liberal at the country party or you'll wind up in
        Labor.

*       She offered her honour,
        He honoured he offer,
        and all night he was on her and off her.

*       Be sure to tie your nightie to your toes, 'cos you know
        where the wild goose goes.

*       Sorry I can't make your wedding, I'm half full under the table.